Here are some of our favourite jokes. Email us yours and we will publish those that we can!   How dogs and men are the same. Both take up too much space on the bed. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. Both are threatened by their own kind. Both mark their territory. Both are bad at asking you questions. Neither tells you what's bothering them. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches. Neither does any dishes. Both pass gas shamelessly. Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut. Both like dominance games. Both are suspicious of the postman. Neither knows how to talk on the phone. Neither understands what you see in cats.   How dogs are better than men. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss your company when you're gone. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. Dogs don't criticize your friends. Dogs admit when they're jealous. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. Dogs do not play games with you except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw). Dogs don't feel threatened by intelligence. You can train a dog. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. The worst social disease you can get from them is rabies, but, there's a vaccine for it and you get to kill the one that gives it to you. Some dogs understand what NO means. Dogs understand when you don't let all of their friends in the house at once. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. Dogs admit it when they're lost. Dogs are colour blind. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. Where dogs fall short. Men only have 2 feet that track in mud. Men can buy you presents. Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block. Men are a little more subtle. Men don't eat faeces on the sly. Dogs have dog breath all the time. Men don't shed as much, and if they do, they hide it. Men don't lick themselves in public.   Why dogs are better than women. Dogs love it when your friends come over. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo. Dogs think you sing great. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. Dogs are excited by rough play. Dogs tolerate excessive body hair. Anyone can get a good-looking dog. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor. Dogs never need to examine the relationship. A dog's parents never visit. Dogs love long car trips. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions. Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it yourself or have someone else kill it. Dogs like beer. Dogs don't cry. Dogs don't hate their bodies. No dog ever bought a Celine Dion album. No dog never put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood. Dogs never criticize. Dogs understand that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. Dogs don't worry about germs. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry. Dogs don't borrow your shirts. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs seldom outlive you.